The past few weeks have been a roller coaster ride for sure. I have been so excited for Jared to experience mission life, to be able to learn, grow, share, serve and experience things that only a missionary can. Then the worry would pop up. Have I taught him all the things he needs to know? Does he know how to go grocery shopping, can he cook simple meals, is his testimony strong enough to keep him going?
Yesterday I was helping him pack and try to box up the rest of his things. I guess I got a little emotional and he told me "Pull it together, Mom". It was later that evening, after he got set apart as a missionary, when it all hit him. I could see the fear in his eyes. The poor kid is terrified of the unknown that lies ahead.
I asked him if he needed a blessing from his Dad and he said he did.
Things got a little better after that. He didn't seem quite so panicked. We finished up a few last minute things and he headed to bed. This morning when I woke up, my eyes were puffy and bloodshot from crying myself to sleep. I decided I had better hold my emotions in and make it easier on him. Every few minutes a tear would leak down my cheek but I did pretty well at holding it in.
I decided I had better get in a really good hug at home, because from what I have heard, they don't allow much time at MTC. I grabbed Jared really tight and hugged him hard, trying to memorize how if felt. He is a great big teddy bear and he gives awesome hugs. I should say, if I have done anything right as a mom, it is that I require my kids to hug me before they leave home, no matter where they are going. I have enjoyed many hugs from my children over the years, but none have even come close to this one. He patiently held me as the minutes passed. It wasn't near long enough.
The trip to Provo was pretty quiet. None of the kids had much to say. Taylor read a few scriptures and we asked a few last minute questions. We were going to go out to eat, but Jared didn't have much of an appetite.
The drop off was just as expected. Missionaries were standing by to help with luggage and to greet us. We took a couple of pictures and one last precious hug. I bee lined to the car before he could see me fall apart. I couldn't bear to watch him walk away.
All the way home I kept thinking of a mama bird, feeing her babies nourishing them, protecting them, watching them grow and fill the nest until one day when she gently nudges them from the nest, watching with faith and praying that she has taught them enough so that they can fly off and survive on their own.
I just pushed him out of my nest!
Now all I can do is pray that he can fly. Jared, I love you so much! I am proud of you. You are such a great kid who has never given us any trouble. I have always been able to trust you and have confidence in you. You will do awesome. Now, forget yourself and go to work. Fly Jared, fly.
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