My countdown began long ago but this morning it switched to hours instead of years, months or days. Fifty two, to be exact!
When he left. I cried my eyes out. I thought my heart would surely break. As they weeks went by, it got easier to bear. I have felt such comfort and peace during his entire mission. I haven't worried about him since he left the MTC. I knew the Lord would provide and take care of him. I know he's in the right place, doing what he should be doing. Words of praise from members in his area have been so reassuring and his letters home, short as they are, have been a constant comfort.
The last few weeks have been the hardest for me. Every time someone asks me how much longer, I get that big annoying lump in my throat, and my eyes fill up with tears. I can hardly wait until I can see him again, hold him in my arms and get one of those great big bear hugs that he is so good at. I miss him so much. How can the hours drag on so long?
Although I miss him terribly, I am scared to death to have him come home. The fear of what lies ahead now is greater for me that sending him out in the first place. What's next? Will he get a job? Go to school? Have friends? Who will he date? Will he date? Will he marry? Where will he end up? Will he be happy? Will he stay active in the church? So many unanswered questions. So much uncertainty. I'm scared for him. The worry has already begun. This is where I have to trust in the Lord. Trust that He will continue to bless him and place opportunity and good people in his path. I realize that as a mother, my influence is all but gone and he will go on his own path from here.
I miss the scared little boy I sent out twenty four long months ago. He will come home a man. Things will never be the same as they were. I'm scared. I'm terrified. I'm beside myself with excitement. Only 51 1/2 hours to go!
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